Wander My Path

I am beginning my journey to understand myself and my feelings. I’ve found comfort in reading others’ experiences, which inspired me to write—writing and documenting my thoughts, while making them available to others. I’m mid aged. mourning the death of my dad, and even though I lost my mom when I was younger, nothing could have prepared me for the loss of a parent as an adult. The pain is different, and I’m still learning how to navigate it.

I’m excited to look back on my posts and see where my life’s journey takes me. With so much change in the past few weeks, I’ve felt a disconnection from myself, seeing a version of me I didn’t like. While my dad was passing, I promised myself to be better and heal the parts I struggled with. My heart, full of sadness and despair, left no room for hate or anger—emotions that had often taken residence there. For the first time, I felt space to grow and learn, and despite the circumstances, I know I must continue moving forward. It’s been five days, and with each passing day, things feel softer and warmer, but sadness and quietness still linger, following me closely. I can feel it settling in as I begin to fully grasp the reality of what’s happened. I often catch myself disassociating when others speak, and work feels like a blur. I wander around, waiting for my shift to end, hoping no one talks to me or asks me questions. Unfortunately, it took an event like this to make me realize how much more important my life, my family, and my own well-being are than work. I now understand that every day should be filled with love and compassion for the people who love me. Until recently, I chased a dream at work, but now I’ve lost the desire to pursue it, and honestly, a weight has been lifted.

I hope to continue moving forward with patience and kindness, letting go of negativity. I often admire those who are naturally kind, soft, patient, understanding, and non-judgmental. That’s my goal, and I hope journaling and connecting with others will help me get there.